I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
