first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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