Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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