I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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