He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
