I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
