cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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