I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize