i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
