my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
