Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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