I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
