I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
