Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
