if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
