We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
please come you make the beer taste better
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
