Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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