If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I have grass duct taped all over my body
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize