Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
