apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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