Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
