Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
