You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
