Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
