I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
