im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have feelings that need drinking.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
