This is not my ceiling
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
