So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
