one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
