I'm so fucking centered right now
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
