If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
