i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think I am morally bankrupt
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
