you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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