Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
