carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
