I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
