glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize