the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
