batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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