So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
