I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
