I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Four minutes until I can fart!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
