Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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