id be glad to
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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