You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
