Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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