i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
