Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
