i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
