I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
