I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize