I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
