May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize