It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
