the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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