Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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