i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
