dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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