He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
