I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize