I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
