ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
A bitchslap is in order.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
