Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
