yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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