He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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