the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
