How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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