Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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