There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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