I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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