What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
