I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
