Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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