My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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